"I'm Butch, I Like Your Daughter"

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 18:13:44 GMT

I'd rather be his biggest disappointment...
....than to live my life unhappy ....
.....pretending to be the person he's ~~comfortable~~ with...

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 03:36:57 GMT

what is my fucking problem?
i thought i fixed this. why do i keep screwing up
why the hell am i being such a damn emo kid right now?
God i hate myself when i'm like this, and i can bet you all do too!
i had quit...for 4 and a half fucking months i had quit
why the hell am i even doing this again,...b/c i'm an ass whole
i guess it's my fault anyway...b/c i hurt her
i'm always hurting someone
but i didn't want to hurt her. always hurting her
everybody can see it

FUCK YOU!

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 00:24:03 GMT

Why the fuck does everything have to be so complicated?
I'm so tired of this shit! I've messed everthing up again! Why
Why did i even open my mouth. it was such a bad idea!
It's always a bad idea
I've stressed her out...i've stressed myself out
i'm just a fucking mess!
i don't wanna talk about it
i don't wanna think about it
i just want it all to go away
I want everything to go back the way it was last week before i fucked myself over!
i'm always fucking myself over....
again...and again...and again..
it never ends!
this time i thought i could handle it though!
This time i thought i could be okay, but of course, like always i was wrong!
please some one magically make everything disappear and go away
i don't want to do this anymore
i'm scared! for her....
what is my problem....just tell me to grow the hell up and get over it

maybe i'll listen....

....then again, maybe not

Happy Anniversary to me

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 23:52:18 GMT

It's soooo ironic that i had a therapy appt. today at 11 today! So Exactly a year ago today is when i went into Meadows. What is so weird about the appt is that on this day one year ago i had an appt also at 11. It was so weird! I mean if i had saw Emilee there i think i would've thought i was in one of those movie's....like Final Destination or something! Okay so maybe that's taking it a little over board, but still....it actually might have been cool if it was like that b/c i would've done so many things different! I mean i have changed so much in a years time and i'm actually happy now! I love it! I probably would've made friends with Krystal and Abby sooner than this year, but then like EVERYTHING would change! I wouldn't have gone to New Castle...wouldn't have gone to Arizona...i wouldn't have done so many things and been with so many people! idk...i'm thinking way too into this...just tell me to shut up...it's okay, i'll listen..heh

well ne ways...this is just a little post to say....

Happy Anniversary to me...

I'm lame i know...you can say it.

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 02:16:48 GMT

My dad is such a bicth!! i was supposed to spend the night at bina's last night after work and he said yes when he was there b/c he met Bina and Shauna and what not....well when he left he pulled around Mc Donalds looked through the window and stopped! he motioned for me to come outside and says.."I thought you said her parents were here...i don't see a man and a woman." and i said yea..those are her moms and he goes...."are you serious, I don't think so, get in the car NOW!" i kept asking if he was serious and i asked him if he wanted to take it up with them and he said yea...now get in the car! i mean he actually started cusin at me! WTF!!!! I mean he actually wouldn't let me spend the night at Bina's house b/c her moms were gay! So in the car on the way home i was like if you not comfortable with that how the hell are you going to be comfortable with me! i started crying i was so pissed! Actually i think i was more hurt than pissed...but idc anymore! I'm about to tell him that he better get used to the idea of two girls together b/c i gay and i can't change and i won't change to make myself the person he wants me to be! I WON'T CHANGE TO PLEASE HIM! I mean if i'm wrong to be pissed please tell me, but honestly i'll probably tell you to shove it, b/c that was bull shit! i haven't spoken to him since and prolly won't for a while! Gah what the hell is wrong with the world today!!!???

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 00:48:37 GMT

So waking up at 5am doesn't really work for me! it's not even 8 yet i'm freaking dead! i'm probably gonna get off here, take a shower and then just go to bed! I know i'm not going to want to wake up tomorrow, but i'll end up doiing to it anyway...only b/c i really want to see a certain someone...hehe...(couldn't be the wonderful person who now happens to be my user icon could it?) ;)

I'm kinda happy that i don't work until Thursday this week b/c after working 5 days in a row...i'm starting to think i don't have a life any more! i seriously haven't done ne thing but work, school, sleep and eat! My family was even here this weekend and i didn't get to spend ANY time with them...and guess what..they'll be here next weekend too but i STILL won't get to spend ANY time with them cuz of course i still have to work...

Welcome to the freaking real world, Chelsea.....
...and yes, i was just talking to myself...get over it!

Today was really shitty though! Everyone was being so childish and yelling and fighting with eachother....i really just wanted to scream shut to them, but i decided that would just make matters worse,...so i kept my mouth shut and stayed in my little box in front booth!....gah i swear, some people! If it's like that again next weekend i'm going to be extremly pissed off...everybody...get an additude check!!! and grow up! heh...i'm going to stop talking about it now cuz i'm sure the person(s) i'm talking about is going to kill me! =) (oh and please don't assume it's you,...ask me first and i'll tell you)

Well i'm gonna get going, just wanted to rant about how much i hate Mc Donalds....

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 02:19:17 GMT

so my parents are crazy! It makes me soooo mad though that they won't let me do anything now! grrr i just want to smack some sence into them! But i don't know how to get them to believe other wise!

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 19:30:50 GMT

So I'm in Arizona now...yay, fun stuff! Of course i'm missing all my people in Terre Haute...especially Krystal...heh....?
I've been a little bored so far cuz yesterday there wasn't anybody here until like 7 and i hate being by myself b/c there isn't a lot to do...! I wanna go hang out with angie or them sometime before i leave b/c i haven't talked to her in a while but i hope she cheers up..she just seems so sad...but then again i would be too!
I'm really happy about not having to work for two weeks, but when i do start working again i'm going to have to save some amjor money cuz i'm gonna need about $900 in July for AX...and i really need to go, so i can't spend like hardly any money at all, but w/e....i think i can do it!
But of course i bought like 4 pairs of shoes yesterday...lol...hmm,i think i'm turning into my mom,...who buys that much...ah well...

okay well i just wanted to update a little bit but Derek just got hom or w/e...so i'm gonna go out there to see what everybody it doing...so i'll try and update a little later...byedy bye...

Lovez n hugz
_PrIDe_